Dear Readers. Recently, in my (arduous) quest to find A Suitable Husband, I’ve spent a fair portion of my free time on Muslim matrimonial/dating apps. Through using these Instruments of Torture, I’ve met many characters: from swindlers on Single Muslim to misogynists on Muzz, with a few strange characters on Salaams thrown in. Despite it all, every encounter has been an education. One thing I’ve learnt? Enter…the Five Love Languages.
For the uninitiated, the 1992 New York Times bestseller ‘The Five Love Languages’, by Dr Gary Chapman, proposes that everyone has a primary love language – acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts. And that understanding your significant other’s language is the key to a lasting relationship.
With some of my Unsuitable Matches, love languages have come up (and yes, there’s a quiz you can do to discover yours!). And it got me thinking – what if these concepts apply to more than just romance? Turns out, Chapman thought so too. In his follow-up book ‘The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace’, co-written with a psychologist, he explores how managers can effectively show appreciation for their employees.
Building on that, I pondered what my own workplace love languages might be. As a lover of a pattern of three, I’ve decided to focus on three key essentials which have helped shaped me and matter to me: Empathy, Authenticity, and Instinct.
Empathy: Somewhat of an empath by nature, I always strive to better understand my colleagues, my clients and their worlds – and help them understand mine. At Social, where I work, empathy is one of our core behaviours, which I love. Last year, I organised a team fast during the Islamic month of Ramadan. Letting others step into my size 2s was an experience my colleagues said they’ll never forget and as the only Muslim person in the workplace at that time, I felt so humbled by the support.
Authenticity: Be real. Whilst being vulnerable isn’t always easy, I’ve learnt that sharing my genuine self builds trust and deepens connections. My favourite leaders are the ones who open up and do the same. I’ve shared with my account execs how terrified I used to be of speaking on the phone to journos when I first started working in PR. Why? So they know I get it. I’m also not afraid to call things out and challenge (firmly but fairly!). I may have hesitated early in my career (imposter syndrome?) but I now stay true to my principles.
Instinct: Trusting your instinct is essential. Whether supporting a client through a crisis or noticing when a colleague says they’re “fine” but something feels off, I’ve learnt not to ignore red flags. I also do not underestimate the importance of taking counsel from folk around you. You can’t always be an expert in everything. Listening deeply and paying attention always pays dividends.
So, whether you’re swiping right on a potential match or steering the ship in the boardroom, for me: the key, dear readers, lies in truly understanding not just others, but yourself too. Embrace empathy like it’s your superpower, trust those gut instincts, and lead with unabashed authenticity – blend these, and you inspire real connection. And that can transform any relationship, personal or professional.
Connect with Salma Nakhuda on LinkedIn.
Salma was awarded a place on The Xec. leadership scheme for UK-based Black, Asian, Mixed Race and Ethnic Minority PR and comms pros. She is being mentored by powerhouse Adrian Ma, Founder, Fanclub PR & Co-Founder, Humankind Communications.
